Mirefresco: Un Mural para El Corazón

ORCHESTRAS AND REHEARSALS

2005-10-13T21:21:00.000-04:00

(with references to the embarrassment depicted in video)

El presidente: Heh heh. Is this thing on?

Allison: Yup. We're live in five minutes.

Soldiers: Why are we still in Iraq?

Bush: What?

Soldiers: Why the hell are we still in Iraq?

Bush: ...freedom...9/11...hurricane katrina...

Soldiers: Bring us home now!

Bush: Bianca!

Allison: WTF?

(three minutes until airtime. audio here)

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LAUNDRY, LAUNDRY, LAUNDRY TIME...

2005-10-12T18:25:00.000-04:00

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Hello?
Yes?
I need an intelligent designer for the costume party this friday.
What?
Small.
No, medium.
Well, maybe a large. Make it all natural. Wash it in holy water.
Wha?
Oh, it doesn't matter. Evian, Dasani, Poland Spring -- one of those.
Yeah -- that's the one.
Thank you. Keep away from sin, yes.
Well, there's just one problem.
What do you do about the blood stains? Was it vinegar?
You don't know?
Hide your hands?

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Chair from here.

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FURTHER MUSINGS ON EDUCATION

2005-10-11T16:14:00.000-04:00

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(not unlike the previous, what with all them children left behind)

Gonna teach my kids to read,
gonna teach 'em ABCs
Gonna teach 'em one plus one,
gonna show 'em how it's done
Gonna teach em best I can,
gonna help 'em understand
'Cause they ain't gonna learn in school,
Naw, they ain't gonna learn in school,
'Cause all the money's going to war
'Cause all the money's gone offshore
And I want my kids to learn,
'Cause my kids deserve to learn
One plus one trumps guns and bombs
At least with my kids, it will.

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Previous sonnet here.
Cello from here.

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BIZARRO SUPERMAN TRAVELS TO KASHMIR

2005-10-10T17:33:00.000-04:00

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(in the continuing misadventures of Bizarro Superman)

So...you know what this is about, man
I was about to go into all that detail,
all that jazz about who this guy was,
and what he was all about,
but you already know what he's about.

I don't want to talk about Kashmir,
about Pakistan, and those schools
where something like 400 kids got...
yeah. I don't want to talk about it,
but unfortunately, it's still happening.

So the whole world's watching, and
once again, life goes on -- well, as long
as you're still alive, anyway. Otherwise,
you don't need to worry no more
'xcept about your family, maybe.

I want to blame Bizarro Superman,
but I can't help but feel that
the real Superman's just as much to blame
as the fake one. After all, if he'd been there,
maybe none of this would have happened.

The papers don't talk about Superman
anymore -- they're pretty mad at him
for deserting the whole world right now...
besides, it's not like Bizarro Superman
would leave any of the editors alive.

Still, I've got hope that he'll be back someday.
When I was a kid, you know,
we had these comic books,
and he always came back.
Don't know when he's planning on coming back, though.

In the meantime,
I guess the best we can do
(apart from looking for some kryptonite
to take out the harbringer of bad stuff)
is to continue to hope, and to continue to give.

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WITH REGARD TO RECENT EVENTS

2005-10-09T16:32:00.000-04:00

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The Kashmir earthquake that struck Pakistan and India yesterday is estimated to have killed up to 30,000 people -- maybe more. If you'd like to help, try writing to your public officials, and urge them to urge our president to give more than $100,000 in the name of our country. Barring that, here are more direct means of offering assistance:

Save the Children http://savethechildren.org

Doctors Without Borders http://www.doctorswithoutborders.org

Oxfam http://www.oxfam.org.uk/

Unicef http://www.unicef.org

Kashmir International Relief Fund http://www.kirf.org

Red Cross/ Red Crescent http://www.ifrc.org

Mercy Corps http://www.mercycorps.com

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Here's a blog (Quakehelp) offering information concerning tolls, survivors, lists, and information about the earthquake.

TERROR, TERROR, ON THE WALL...

2005-10-08T00:10:00.000-04:00

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...who's the biggest threat of all?

A proposition, for the urgent construction
of a new level of terror (threat alertness)...
after all, sometimes "severe", just isn't enough!
Perhaps one by the moniker of...
"White Hot!" A level thus far unseen,
like the F-6 tornado, or the 10.0 earthquake,
the "White Hot!" level of alertness
would signal the signal
to all true Americans, red, blue and wise,
to retreat into bunkers, and
Wrap themselves in duct-tape...
Eating mom's apple pie, and chanting,
"Freedom's on the march"
to echo the steps of the marching militia,
while Lieutenant AWOL (aka the Wizard of Crawford)
gleefully declares martial law.

Yes. This is what we need.

Terror here, terror there, terror everywhere!
Have you had your daily dose of terror today?

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Fascism Alert Level Detector from here.

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IMPROVING THE GLOBAL IMAGE

2005-10-05T10:38:00.000-04:00

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Not a photoshop. Just more
from the
good folks at Boeing.
Story here.
And yes, that is
a mosque they're descending on.

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TUESDAY MORNING RHYME TIME

2005-10-04T11:27:00.000-04:00

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So much crime
in so little time
Elections to steal
and people to bribe

All that cash
Gone so fast
Elections to steal
and markets to crash

Give us more
to wage our wars
Elections to steal
and robbers galore

You put us in jail
and we're gonna wail
Elections to steal
and countries to fail

Just give us your oil
need you to toil
Elections to steal
good people to foil

We'll be here forever
'till you folks discover
Elections are stolen
while families are severed.

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AND IF THAT STATION HAD BEEN PRESENT

2005-10-02T20:15:00.000-04:00

Click on image for full size.

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(A throwback to times, past and present. Fox News headlines from days long gone)

HIGH-RANKING MEMBER OF COLONIAL INSURGENCY CAPTURED

KING GEORGE TO YANKEE TERRORISTS: BRING 'EM ON

HOMICIDE SOLDIER KILLS TWO IN LEXINGTON BATTLE

GEORGE WASHINGTON THREATENS MORE ATTACKS AGAINST MOTHER COUNTRY

KING GEORGE ADDS FRANCE TO AXIS OF INCIVILITY

CONFEDERACY VOWS TO COMBAT NORTHERN AGGRESSION

PRESIDENT KENNEDY TAKES OWN LIFE DURING DALLAS MOTORCADE

FDR TO POLIOVIRII: BRING 'EM ON

FUHRER TO SS: 'NO CHILD LEFT BEHIND'

TRUMAN TO HIROSHIMA, NAGASAKI: 'IT'S ONLY GENOCIDE WHEN HITLER DOES IT'

PHARISEES, POST CRUXIFICTION: 'NO ONE COULD HAVE PREDICTED HE WAS THE SON OF MAN'

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These were also cross-posted at Agitprop's entry.
Previous issue of Puritan O'Reilly here.

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A MARVELOUS WORLD OF CONTRADICTIONS

2005-09-30T19:24:00.000-04:00

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Support the troops -- gimme a yellow ribbon, extra large!
Wha?
No, hold the body armor.
Wait a second...nah, I'm good. Well,
Could you throw in a flag? One of those mini ones
Made in China? I might need one for the Suburban.
I don't know...how about a slice of Patriot (Act) pie? You
guys still sell those?
Oh, there's a new version out? Niiiice. Gimme two.
What?
What the hell is this?
Who do you think you are? Take your broken legs
somewhere else, you stinkin' veteran! I didn't ask you
to go get your arms blown off in Operation Iraqi Freedom!

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Unrelated image of deer from here.
Previous sonnet here.

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PLAYING WITH WORDS

2005-09-29T18:43:00.000-04:00

a penny for your
thoughts, and a pittance for your
peace...for your goodwill

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A CURIOUS STUDY: THE COLLEGE REPUBLICAN

2005-09-28T01:11:00.000-04:00

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I am aware of the college republican,
the steadfast rhetor, brazen and brash-
I am aware of his logic.
"Hurricane Katrina is a waste of money,"
funds diverted from more useful matters-
We can go to space, and war, together, at once-
In his mind, such is not an anomaly.
Bomb them all. Bomb them all to hell-
and the ones we missed, oh...
It all goes back to Clinton somehow.
I'm not sure how, but it's like a...
board game, perhaps. One where the
"stop and collect $200" square has become
the "stop and blame Bubba" box.
It doesn't matter how. People don't matter.
Well, that's not quite true. People matter -
the rich ones they hope to become in the future -
those people matter. But
the ones ground into dust along the way?
Collateral damage. Or something.
Sorta like that thing -- that's what it reminds me of:
"You're a republican until it happens to you."
Well,
maybe you're a college republican
until the money for college runs out.
I suppose, even then, one could remain determined
to stay the course, to curse the liberals,
to worship the ground at the altar of deceit -
but it's got to feel empty inside,
at least every now and then.
Not to say that
College Progressives (whatever they are)
don't feel empty either,
but give me reality-based depression
a thousand times over one bred in delusions
of selfishness.
Keep your excercise in avoidance. I
want none of it. It's just tiring
watching good things go to waste.
You're a college republican
until the republicans leave you to flounder
in dark and flooded hallways,
choking on the rust of your
alma matter.

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Etching from here.

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BASTANTE

2005-09-27T21:30:00.000-04:00

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yo no quiero más
no más de las mientras
yo quiero verdad.

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Mano de aqui.

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FIVE LINES FOR AN AUGUST EVERLONG

2005-09-27T20:37:00.000-04:00

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There once was a 'cane called Katrina,
She tore up the insides of NOLA,
We brayed and we swayed
To the meme of a game
While the well-off gave Gulfers the finger.

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Image of global warming from here.

SONNET 2: MUSINGS ON HOPE AND STUFF

2005-09-26T00:18:00.000-04:00

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On the first day, we dropped bombs -
many, in fact.
He called it shock and awe.
Some of us didn't believe him
- many, in fact -
because it didn't seem like
the way to win
'hearts and minds'
was with bombs and bullets.
I'd say 'haha...silly president'
like that kid in the Simpsons,
Except it isn't that funny.
But bit by bit,
more of us seem to be waking up. I hope.

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Image of river Tigris from here.
Previous sonnet here.

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SUNDAY NIGHT HAIKUS: WITH RESPECT

2005-09-25T22:37:00.000-04:00

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one hundred thousand
hearts and minds and eyes and ears
end this bloody war.

(with respect to the rally)

with words, not guns...with
hope, not fear - with truth, not lies -
arms he can't afford.

(with respect to peace, and not warmongers)

intoxicated
with the crimson elixir
he drowns in their blood.

(with respect to the bad man in the white house)

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Click on image for full size.

Link from here.

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BRITISH SOLDIER ON HIS WAY FROM POLICE STATION

2005-09-23T00:34:00.000-04:00

"God save the Queen!"

(reflecting upon good old-fashioned false flag ops)

Remember this?

You see,
back when this picture
was originally taken,
Reuters described it
as that of a...
"masked insurgent."

But with recent events,
I find myself wondering
if this
"masked insurgent"
was nothing more
than a wayward British soldier...

I mean,
the caption stated
this fellow was
on his way
from attacking a...
POLICE STATION...

Coincidence?
You be the judge.
Local Iraqis claimed
the "insurgent" was heard
humming 'God save the Queen'
as he helped himself to flak jackets...

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Image of covert British agent from here.

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SONNET 1: AN ODE TO WINDY DAYS

2005-09-22T20:21:00.000-04:00

hurricane, hurricane, why do you blow?
such winds of tossed and tempered foes
you blight the poor, but bless the baron
you slay the meek, but spare the rich!
i do not ask for your compassion,
i do not ask for rhyme, or reason
but if your winds would blow so strong
why slight the slight, and grace the wrong?
you give them oil, you give them all
they need to rule the earth!
you give them reconstruction bids
while we are ground to dust
and those among us cling to hope,
but hope is far from us.

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Image from here.

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THURSDAY MORNING HAIKUS

2005-09-22T09:21:00.000-04:00

Forgive me for my
lack of midnight snark. Conflicts
and obligations.

There will be more, but
in the evenings. Now it is
time to brush my teeth.

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DOWNING STREET MEMO: BOO-BOO IN BASRA

2005-09-21T10:31:00.000-04:00

10 Downing Street

Regarding recent events in Basra:
AM September 21, 2005

Things to Deny:

The two soldiers were special agents (not regular cannon-fodder).
They were dressed in Arabian uniforms (do your best to deny this one).
Upon questioning, they shot at Iraqi police officers.
They were driving a vehicle filled with (duh) explosives.
We sent a tank to get them out, and...things didn't turn out so well .
We then sent in 10 tanks+helicopter gunships to destroy the prison, and release our boys.
150 Iraqi prisoners were...ahem...released in the process.

Spin for the BBC:

The two soldiers were everyday Brit troops who got lost in Basra!
They dressed as Arabs because their normal uniforms were in the wash!
Wouldn't you shoot at Iraqi police if you thought you'd get away with it???
The explosives were...um...confiscated from insurgents!
Being set on fire is standard British procedure!
That prison was getting old anyway--we were simply starting the rebuilding effort by attacking it with tanks and choppers!
Those weren't prisoners--they were Iraqis who had been tortured under Saddam! We liberated them!

Things to tell the Americans:

Slight eff-up in Basra. Nothing to write home about. Stay the course! Jolly good show! What's that your president says? Bring 'em on! 9/11 and all that!
* Contact Iraqi government, tell them to keep forwarding us latest edition of Constitution (needs more Sharia).

* To all staff: Travel to Iraq is not advised at present, due to our last batch of captured insurgents.

(in the continuing tradition of leaked official memos)

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TERRORISTS CAUGHT WHILE PLANNING DEADLY STRIKE!

2005-09-20T09:23:00.000-04:00

Story here.

One more here.

Pictures here.

Snark later.

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MUSINGS ON INTELLIGENT DESIGN

2005-09-20T00:34:00.000-04:00

Today, a unicorn was born
I can't tell you where, and I can't tell you how...
but by George,
it had a horn!

It neighed--real quiet-like...
and it's mother told me,
"tell the world about us, Mazzy!"
I promised her I would.

I made this hasty sketch
there wasn't time to grab my camera,
but I was close enough to tell
this was no ordinary horse.

When I returned
to the Land of Intelligent Design,
I knew I had to keep my promise
no matter how much ridicule I'd face

The thing to do, of course
was to notify the federal government
(that tipline to Judith Miller
sure came in handy).

She put me through
to Karl Rove
who connected me
to the Honorable almost-Justice Roberts.

A man of action,
he wasted no time.
By sunset,
new laws had been passed.

In all Science books
published from this day forth
Unicorns shall be classified
as 'real forest possibilities...'

It was a proud day for creationists
and Intelligent Designers
and yet-undiscovered
mythical creatures everywhere.

Sure, the liberal media protested!
And those leftie "Scientists"...
but they didn't know!
They hadn't seen the Unicorn!

I look forward to a world
where all creatures
including nymphs, driads, leprechauns, and satyrs
shall be united in our childrens' textbooks.

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Unicorn and foal from here.

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AN EAR TO WAVES AND WIRES

2005-09-19T00:05:00.000-04:00

(bearing a brief similarity to a previous end-line echo)

Heard something
not too nice
'bout alligators
eating people whole
in the waters
down in New Orleans.

Call 'em
"unconfirmed reports"--
hell if the news
is gonna report
on wild animals
down in New Orleans.

Seems like the gators
took after ol' Dubya,
"dead or alive"
that's how they're
taking people
down in New Orleans.

Heard about
that Red Cross
given 'em my money
but my money's not enough
they're askin' for more
down in New Orleans.

Meanwhile
all those corporations
got their tin boxes
askin' us to "give"
but they ain't givin'
down in New Orleans.

They're just taking
keep that oil
keep it flowing
keep it flowing
flowin' real good
down in New Orleans.

Heard something
'bout folks dying
more and more...over in Iraq
but we're not giving
'cause we keep lookin'
down in New Orleans.

I don't know why
since it seems like a kid
down in Baghdad
shouldn't suffer any more
than a kid
down in New Orleans.

Doesn't seem fair
that all the greedy men
and all the greedy women
aren't the ones
down in Tal Afar--or
down in New Orleans.

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Image of boy and gator from here.

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SUNDAY EVENING HAIKUS

2005-09-18T23:53:00.000-04:00

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we feast on the souls
of domestic insurgents
our blood is yellow

we fight the good fight
not with guns, but with kool-aid
keyboards of freedom

we support the troops
over here...by asking them
to die...over there.

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Chickenhawk from here.

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BIZARRO SUPERMAN TRAVELS TO BAGHDAD

2005-09-16T01:23:00.000-04:00

(in the continuing misadventures of Bizarro Superman)...

I don't even know where to go with this...
You know that guy I was telling you about--
Superman?
Well, not the real Superman--the anti-one.
We called him Bizarro Superman.

Well anyway, today, he took a trip to Baghdad
And he did that thing,
With his super speed,
and his super vision,
and he just...he wrecked the whole city, man.

Something like 160 people dead, and
hundreds more injured, crying, bleeding,
messed up for life--
This is the same guy
who was adopted by human beings--over in Smallville...

Naw, naw, I keep forgetting--
this is Bizarro Superman. Not the real one.
We still haven't found the real one.
The doctors -- the ones in Metropolis who were supposed to
perform the autopsy on Lois? They couldn't find her body.

No idea where the hell he is, you know?
Meanwhile, this...this nutcase...
I heard that back when that Hurricane struck NOLA,
he wouldn't let the Red Cross into the city.
Said he'd "take care of it himself."

He did a hell of a job. Body bags everywhere.
And then I heard that
the same company that's doing the
"reconstruction" in Iraq--
they're gonna do the same in NOLA.

Weird.
Almost enough to make folks around here
lose their faith in all things good.
The man of Metropolis is dead.
And all that's left is this guy
who goes around
crushing poor people
in single bounds.

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SOMETIMES, IT'S JUST TOO EASY

2005-09-15T00:34:00.000-04:00

(in the continuing decay of dignity in the relationship between the wizard and his harlot)

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You know, I was going to make an entry
on the wizard's harlot
you know who I'm talking about...
maybe write a little something
about her menial deeds
nothing fancy, just a blurb...

(a drop in the bucket, so to speak)

but this...
sometime's it's just too easy
it just isn't fair
to make fun of a wizard--
the kind who'd request help
in engaging number one...

(or two)

what's the matter, George?
having trouble staying the course?
but what of your resolve?
what would the terrorists think?
is this any message
to send to the American people?

(nevermind to the Secretary of State)

I don't know.
As I've said,
it's almost not fun
when it's this easy
please...make it harder
Our country deserves better than this.

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Image of our bladder-impaired leader from here.

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TAKING A RIDE ON THE WAYBACK MACHINE

2005-09-14T00:20:00.000-04:00

(with respect to the unanswered question, "who wants to be chief justice?")

...and the first official act
by the honorable Justice Roberts
was to appoint a committee
to investigate the possibilities
of time travel
with the wayback machine.

Turn it on, and quickly!

Some of you will scoff,
come at me with papers
archaic constitutions
with separations of powers
and false recollections
of an era when church and state

were not one.

To this I'd reply,
"get thee to a nunnery!"
or some vague archetypical reference
we're all going to have to learn
to speak that way
when we turn on...

the wayback machine.

But I wasn't about
to live it with you
I took my wife
I took my dog
I took my banjo
Took my passport...

We took a trip out of town.

But was it fun to watch!
They went back
to the golden age
no 19th Amendment
no laws against slaves
her body

became his body.

Found it pretty crazy
as the land of the free
turned into one
of UnIntelligent Design
they wished to be treated as sheep
and their wish was his command.

A steady dose of fear and hate.

Get the brown people
the yellow ones, too!
Knock that funny hat away!
You bow to my God,
or you get the hell out.
Predestination

is just another word for nothing left to lose.

Perhaps I went too far
indulging this fantasy
you decide
but I wouldn't count on it.
Cuz once they get done
with that wayback machine...

We're all going to take a ride.

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Happy Puritans from here.

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LEVEE SONG

2005-09-13T00:56:00.000-04:00

Levee, levee
with your blue
how much water
did you let through?

It's not your fault
I don't blame you
the one at fault
he knows you knew

Levee, levee
why'd you break?
perhaps you'd stand
'f you weren't half-made.

It's not your fault
the one we blame
he's high on oil
it's just a "game."

But don't you fear
you'll rise again
don't mind the cake
you'll stand the rains.

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NOLA from here.

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HAVE YOU SEEN THIS MAN?

2005-09-12T01:06:00.000-04:00

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Have you seen this man?
I could have sworn we were looking for him
real hard, about four years ago.

Heard he was involved
in some sort of...calamity. Heard he hit us
real hard, about four years ago.

He'd appear on television, you know...
tell us our foreign policies had hurt him
real hard, about four years ago.

He was a sort of..."boogeyman."
Not sure why, but he made ol' Dubya
real hard, about four years ago.

With all that tough talk, "dead or alive",
almost like we drank some kool-aid, and stumbled
real hard, about four years ago.

Some grandstanding fool led us to Iraq,
Makes you wonder if he was kinda glad we got hit
real hard, about four years ago.

Saw it in a movie--started planning the invasion
the day after. Started planning to invade Iraq
real hard, about four years ago.

Well today, one of 'em's more dead than alive
While the other one--he stopped trying
real hard, about four years ago.

He'd appear on television, you know...
tell us how he read "My Pet Goat"
real hard, about four years ago.

Heard he was involved
in a cruel and senseless war. Heard he started lying
real hard, about four years ago.

Have you seen this man?
I could have sworn he started fucking us over
real hard, about four years ago.

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Image from here.

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Go see "The Constant Gardener."
It's amazing.

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STATUE OF LIBERTY FOUND FLOATING IN NEW ORLEANS BAYOU

2005-09-11T00:44:00.000-04:00

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My fellow Americans,
I regret to inform you that the Statue of Liberty
has been found--perished in the waters of Louisiana.
She was pronounced dead at 11:02:00 AM this morning.

I repeat: we are calling off the search for Lady Liberty,
after a member of the New Orleans rescue effort
discovered what has been confirmed as the body
of Miss Liberty, somewhere past the Bayou Bridge.

It is not known as of now what the cause of death was,
but it is suspected that she succumbed to the floodwaters
after clinging to life for five days on a broken levee,
while waiting for FEMA, and her Homeland Security.

She leaves behind a grieving nation,
a tattered constitution, a weakening Bill of Rights,
and a wartorn planet. It is not yet known
the Earth which her children shall inherit.

We are asking you, in these difficult times
not to play the Blame Game, nor to search for people
to hold responsible. Members of the National Guard,
stationed in Iraq, send their condolences.

As you know, they were defending liberty over there,
and were thereby unable
to defend her over here.
9/11! 9/11! Shock and Awe! Freedom, on the march!

(while the giver of speeches fumbles his papers,
searching for the final set of talking points,
a low murmor is heard from the crowd,
and the following words are discerned)

I've got some news for you, Lady Liberty:
I've got your poor. I've got your tired.
I've got your huddled masses yearning to breathe free--
I've got a couple thousand body bags for 'em, too.

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Image from here.

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MAKING THE BEST OF A BAD SITUATION

2005-09-10T00:28:00.000-04:00

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Who says there's nothing to eat in New Orleans?
Plenty of fish, plenty!
The water's a bit scummy, but it's full o' nutrients!
Red Cross, stay where you are!
Papa told me scavenger fish are the best fish--
Plenty of fish, plenty!
You just have to take some initiative! Responsibility!
Don't loot--fish! Fish for freedom!

If we don't drink the water, the terrorists will win.
Remember...
Shoot to kill. Bring 'em on. Dead or alive. Stay the course.
9/11. New Orleans. Shock and awe. Hellofajob. Hellofajob.

Hell of a job!

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Image from here.

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LEARNING TO FLY WITH TIED HANDS

2005-09-09T13:15:00.000-04:00

Meanwhile...

(in the continuing astral projections into Middle Earth)

We are still winning the war--
not the one on terrorism
nor the one on drugs
not the one on piracy
but the one on women and children
sorry for the confusion--
it's hard to keep track.

Like last week (was it last week?)
when a thousand people sprouted wings
and flew off the bridge before it collapsed
so no one died, and nobody drowned
and everything was happy.
what? ...women and children?
you mean they didn't learn to fly?

I'm not sure what it's like
to have that many people die at once
I don't think I want to
but...it feels wrong
not to think about it
It's not the same as putting a stop to it
But it's a step above ignoring it.

Well, don't worry--a few of us
are still looking for that exit strategy
but it's hard, you know?
of course you know. It's your hell--
we don't see much of it over here
but it sounds pretty bad
I don't think he cares, though.

Yeah, him. Mr. "Stay the course."
none of his kids ever had to stay the course
and it ain't his siblings doing the staying
pretty sure his kin aren't doing the dying
I'm not sure what it means to be
an orphan--but it's got to suck
and I'm sorry.

Sorry doesn't cut it--I'm aware
strange though. I could've been you,
and you could've been me
and you'd be over here
and I'd be over there
and your people wouldn't care
about my people. Or would they?

Because--and, well, someone over here
feel free to prove me wrong--
I don't think most folks here
know how many folks there--
there being your part of the world--
we've asked to sprout wings.
Yet we keep asking.

At the risk of sounding selfish
there's probably a woman out there
(there being your part of the world)
I could have asked to be my wife
if we were all in a different set
of circumstances--if we weren't there,
maybe you wouldn't need them wings.

Because I don't think
you can force a human being to fly
by dropping bombs
saying 'run or die'
but we're a determined bunch
and it's crazy
but we're satisfied with madness over here.

Maybe if more folks here
could make a connection with you folks there
and figure out
that there really isn't a difference--
we sleep, we love, we breathe, we die
my daughters look like yours
and you have my mother's eyes.

Stuff like that.
But it's like balloon girl says,
we'll keep tying your hands
until we figure out
we've tied ourselves to you
and the only way to free ourselves
might be to free you too.

Just wondering.
In the end, I--well, I'm not sure--
but I think it's not just
"your" people, and
"my" people,
because in the end,
we're all people.

+++

Image from here.

+++

HOLY TALKING POINTS, BATMAN!

2005-09-08T12:46:00.000-04:00

(A remote woody area in sunny California)

Batman: You mean...New Orleans wasn't a part of the axis of evil?

Robin: No, Batman! It wasn't! I swear it wasn't!

Batman: Well...what about liberals...playing the "blame game"!
Won't some decent fellow put an end to such evil?

Robin: But Batman, it isn't a game when thousands of people die!

Batman: Then...why would they call it "the blame game"?

Robin: It's called a talking point, Batman! Republicans use them
to keep people from focusing on the issues! It's cheap rhetoric!

Batman: Whoa...slow down there, Boy Wonder. This is a little hard to take in.

Robin: That's because it's the truth! That's who that Karl Rove guy is!
He's the one who orchestrates all of this stuff, to put misinformation
into the news!

Batman: But...I've been watching Fox News, boy wonder!
Are you implying they've been disseminating false information?

Robin: That's what I've been trying to tell you!

Batman: Tell me about this Karl Rove. I seem to recall a certain...
scandal, was it? What was it...? I can't...remember...

Robin: That's because you've been distracted by the Rovian machine!
He's a master at getting the media to talk about stuff that doesn't matter!

Batman: Is there a name for this deception?

Robin: It's called a talking point, Batman! A lying Republican talking point. They use them all the time.

Batman: The name...Valerie Plame...springs to mind. Tell me, Boy Wonder--
who is she, and why did she betray our country?

Robin: Valerie Plame didn't betray our country -- she was a CIA agent!
Karl Rove leaked her name to the press in order to punish her husband
for speaking out against the illegal invasion of Iraq!

Batman: You lie! (falls to the ground) Please! Tell me this isn't true!

Robin: It's all true Batman -- Karl Rove betrayed a CIA agent.

Batman: So what is he still doing in the White House?

Robin: Bush is a bastard, Batman. A royal bastard.

Batman: (nods head). I can't argue with you there, Robin.

Robin: Could you imagine what we'd have done if a colonist had
betrayed one of George Washington's men at Valley Forge?

Batman: We'd probably have burned the traitor alive.

Robin: That's vigilante justice, Batman. It wouldn't be right.

Batman: So what can we do today?

Robin: The first step is to tell everyone you know -- remind them that
the guy Bush calls "the architect" is nothing more than a fat Benedict Arnold.

Batman: But why haven't I heard any of this on our mainstream cable news channels?

Robin: Because they're all a bunch of cowards and corporate shills, Batman!

Batman: This is troubling news, Robin.
If we can't trust the corporate-controlled media, why then...
who can we trust?

Robin: I don't know, Batman. I just don't know.

+++

Image from here.

+++

WHO WANTS TO BE CHIEF JUSTICE?

2005-09-07T13:40:00.000-04:00

The White House

Supreme Court Nominee Qualifications:
AM September 07, 2005

Must have:

Capability to Tow the (Party) Line.

Kibbles 'n bits. A twig and two berries. Meatballs and a cheese-stick--

Applicant must be male. This is non-negotiable. Sorry, Sandra Day.

Caucasian ancestry preferred. Exceptions may be made for PR-related needs.
The correct opinion on Roe v. Wade. Also non-negotiable.
A fondness for fishing trips with Dick (Cheney).

The ability to spontaneously combust over mention of Guantanamo Bay.

Negotiable (but strongly preferred):

Heavily repressed sexual tendencies. Outwardly hetero, of course.

A deep and passionate interest in the bedroom affairs of fellow Americans.

A desire to legislate the workings of the female anatomy.

A...let's say, "watchful", opinion of brown people. Avoid the "R" word at all costs.
The desire to implement (not follow) the Ten Commandments in schools.

A fondness for Guns, Oil, and Tobacco (in no particular order).

Past experience clubbing baby seals/violating Mother Nature.

Things not to have:

Any relations, past or present, with the ACLU, Sierra Club, or France.
A sense of irritation, however slight, upon the mention of Clinton's blowjob.

A belief in the Afterlife -- particularly any concerning the chance of Hell.

Any surviving documentation of past Klan-related activity.
Members of nominee's family married to women of Middle-Eastern descent.

The above rule does not apply to women from Saudi Arabia.

Values, dignity, morals -- dirty liberal propaganda, fear of alcohol, etc. Past involvement with Arabian horse management.

* People with working consciences need not apply.

* To all staff: Do not drink the water in New Orleans -- reportedly contaminated with urine and/or rat poo.

+++

Dots and font from ScoutPrime.

+++

THE BEAUTIFUL MIND IN THE IVORY TOWER IS UGLY INSIDE AND OUT

2005-09-06T12:25:00.000-04:00

A brief introduction:

The wizard, despite metaphorical appearances to the contrary,
was not born out of wedlock.
Furthermore, if one adheres to dictionary definitions,
he was not borne of a four-legged barking beast. However...

The wizard's mother (we'll call her "The Beautiful Mind"),
the wife of a former wizard herself, lived in a tower--
it was made of the finest ivory, fit for aristocrats.
Perhaps the air was thin, high within the tower walls...?

For you see,when the wizard's mother -- excuse me,
The beautiful mind -- went to survey the plight of the peasants,
(the ones who had suffered the Pagan Windstorm),
she made what some in the Land of Intelligent Design considered...

a faux pas.

"What I’m hearing which is sort of
scary is they all want to stay in Texas. Everyone is
so overwhelmed by the hospitality."

Yes, indeed,
The Beautiful Mind was mildly frightened
by the thought of grubby dark peasants
seeking shelter and (gosh!) refuge
in the state of Texas,
(which, after all, wasn't that big).

But there was more...

"And so many of the people in the arena here,
you know, were underprivileged anyway,
so this (she chuckled slightly)--
this is working very well for them."

Yes indeed,
surely the serfs were grateful for the Pagan Windstorm--
each storming surge of sewage was a blessing in disguise--
the floating, bloated corpses were an improvement--
in the beautiful mind of the wizard's mother, at least.

There were some who called her words thoughtless--cruel even...
but others, long accustomed to the distorted reality
of those who inhabited the ivory towers in crawford,
were not surprised.

But they were still ashamed.

+++

Partial audio here.
Image from here.

+++

THE WIZARD'S HARLOT HAS BECOME GOD'S INTERPRETER

2005-09-05T04:29:00.000-04:00

(In the continuing saga of the wizard of crawford, and his numerous accomplices)

First, a recap:

Things were getting bad in the Land of Intellingent Design.
A plague had befallen the land, casting it into a stupor--
the people chanted and marched to the dull hum of perpetual war,
stopping every now and then
to shake off the limbs that fell from the sky.
As if this was not enough,
a Pagan Windstorm had struck the southern coast of Dominionland!

The liberal pagans knew, of course, that the wizard was incompetent,
clearly not a product of Intelligent Design, yet...
slightly more than half of the peasants elected him to not one,
but *two* terms as the wizard of Dominionland!
These were strange times, indeed.
However, they hoped the wizard would come to his senses
in such times of dire need.

Sadly, they were mistaken -- of course they were!
While the Pagan Windstorm struck the brown peasants of the South,
The wizard was too busy learning to play the lute,
while the Man Who Ate Hearts was busy being invisible.
It was clearly up to the Wizard's Harlot to save the day.

+++

The harlot was wicked, but she wasn't foolish...though, in retrospect,
she would regret being sighted by the liberal minstrels
as she purchased thousand-quid knee-guards
(the wizard kept no carpet in his boudoir)
She knew the time had come for action.
Naturally, she turned to her version of God - a Lord of blasphemy and assassination!

She went to the church of the dark people, deep in Dominionland,
and told them, "My God is your God!"
What she really meant, of course,
was that her God (one of money, power, and deceit),
would come to their rescue, bearing the mark of Halliburton
(which of course, was manned by the Man Who Ate Hearts)

Speaking to the people who were suffering from the Pagan Windstorm,
she told them, "The Lord Jesus Christ is going to come on time..."
"...if we just wait."
Deep within her heart, she wondered if Eternal Damnation
was really as hot as Emperor Rehnquist had feared.

'Would I really invoke their God?,' she asked herself in doubt
'Would I really imply He was the one who did not arrive on time?'
'Was I really willing to risk whatever was left of a soul within me, with such blasphemy?'
As she found herself before the wizard's throne that very evening,
she swallowed her convictions, and spat away her conscience.

Meanwhile, of course, the dark people in Dominionland,
and the innocent children, fathers, sons and daughters of Middle Earth
continued to perish in great number, to provide a steady shower
of torsos and limbs
in the name of the wizard's ideology.
The world watched in sorrow, and held its breath in wonder.
Death was such a fickle thing.

+++

Image from here.

+++

COMPASSIONATE CONSERVATISM AT WORK

2005-09-04T10:45:00.000-04:00

"So come away with me,
I'll be your Donnie reb...
I'll make it all a dream,
take back the things he said.
You see, he don't see what you see
you know, they don't know what you know
what I know...
what we know."

lyrics from here.
song is here.

+++

WE ARE THE (WEALTHY) WHITE ONES

2005-09-03T01:21:00.000-04:00

We are the white ones.
We are the white ones who cover our eyes to the plight of the dark ones.
We are the light ones.
We are the light ones who cover our ears to the clamor of the downtrodden.
We are the white ones.
We are the white ones who call for a colorblind society - where every color is our own.
We are the wise ones.
We are the wise ones who call for a justice of torture and execution.
We are the wild ones.
We are the wild ones who consider the death penalty a form of rehabilitation.
We are the cruel ones.
We are the cruel ones who care for our own - and our own are few in number.
We are the white ones.
We are the white ones. We're not the poor ones - not the poor white ones - not those ones at all.
We are the cruel ones.
We are the cruel ones who wage wars with our bank accounts - we are the top one percent.
We are the light ones.
We are the light ones who believe we do the Lord's work when we kill our fellow man.
We are the wise ones.
We are the wise ones who inherit the Earth, who make it our own - we believe in nothing if not our infallibility.
We are the strong ones.
We are the strong ones who long for a world where the merits of the meek will be ground into dust.
We are the (wealthy) white ones.
We are the white ones who yearn for a world of equality through injustice - three knives at a time.
We are the (wealthy) white ones.

He is our leader.

Rest in peace, Karla.

+++

A WAR ON EXTREMIST WEATHER SYSTEMS

2005-09-02T05:00:00.000-04:00

"My fellow Americans...

We are not failing in New Orleans. This is a new kind of war. We are not failing on the Gulf Coast. We will win the battle against the insurging waters. We must stay the course. We are not pulling our people out of New Orleans, and we are not going to create a timetable for pulling them out, because of the message that would send to the waters--and to our own people. Freedom is on the march - we have declared martial law, and we will defend our Walmarts. The looters will be shot, London subway-style. They shall not affect our resolve.

The Louisiana people are a free people -- they want to be free. And we will give them that freedom. There are some weather systems who, uh, feel like that, you know, the conditions are such that they can attack us here. My answer is: Bring 'em on. We got the force necessary to deal with the Hurricane situation. In August 2005, we were attacked by a terrible enemy from the Atlantic. It was an attack that reminded us that we are at war. But this is a new kind of war. One without borders, and with no regard for human life. This is why we must stay the course. Or the hurricanes will win.

Global warming? To tell you the truth, I really don't spend much time thinking about that.

Thousands have died. If we pull the survivors out now, the deaths of those who have died before them will have been meaningless. We will stand down as the dead stand up. It will be hard work, but I believe in a free Louisiana, and so do the New Orleans people. Just as the United States did not surrender after the Japanese attack on Pearl Harbor, America today will not retreat from this new age of Hurricane Terror. We will hunt down the hurricanes, and we will bring them to justice. Never forget: they (the hurricanes) hate our way of life. You can't reason with these things. Reducing toxic pollution and preserving water-absorbing wetlands is not an option.

Shoot to kill. Bring 'em on. Dead or alive. Stay the course. 9/11. New Orleans. Shock and awe.

Tomorrow I plan to ask Congress for funding. We will declare a Global War on Hurricanes (GWOH). We shall hunt down the weather systems, whether they form in the deserts of Africa, or in the terror-harboring waters of the Atlantic. We will pass the MORWAR act through a Congress too frightened to examine its details. With this act, we shall wage war against the domestic insurgency of thunderstorms and tornadoes. In the meantime, go out and buy gasoline. Invest in beachhouses and sailboats. Show Mother Nature that we will not be silenced into believing the great lie of Global Warming. We will bring in contractors to rebuild the infrastructure and we will bring the National Guard here, to bring democracy at last to New Orleans."

+++

Embellished from angryyoungman's o.p.

+++

HE ISN'T EVEN THERE

2005-09-01T02:03:00.000-04:00

Take a look at this. I mean, really take a look at it. It's a picture of Bush standing next to a man who, by the context of the photograph, would appear to be a victim/survivor of Hurricane Katrina. In his hand, he holds a giant American flag, and superimposed in the background is the image of a Hurricane -- the implication strongly suggests it's Hurricane Katrina.

"Hurricane Relief."

The only problem is, as of 2:05AM, September 1st, 2005, Bush hasn't even set foot in LA, MS, or AL since Katrina hit. Not one foot. Not even a pinkie toe.

So why does the White House have a prominent picture strongly suggesting otherwise?

Propaganda?

Arrogance?

Deception?

I guess if Dear Leader doesn't care enough to actually visit the grief-stricken survivors of Hurricane Katrina, a photoshopped image of him in action is clearly the next best thing.

In case you're wondering, this is what our War President was doing yesterday, as an entire city called out for help.

He isn't even there.

Notice a pattern?

+++

LOOKING FOR MY HOMELAND SECURITY

2005-08-31T10:00:00.000-04:00

Toward Lakefront/Midcity:

Unknown New Orleans neighborhoods:

I-59, I-10, 90 respectively:

Neighborhoods off downtown:

Canal St/St Louis Cathederal in Quarter:

Hyatt Downtown/SDome:

Tenant surveys his apartment building remians:

The City:

+++

THE CITY IS DROWNING

2005-08-30T15:29:00.000-04:00

+++

The city is drowning, but he doesn't care
just keeps spreading lies from his neo-con lair
The Guard's in Iraq, can't help out from there
but he doesn't mind, because he doesn't care.

He seems to be referencing wars of the past
in the hopes of confusing the simpleton class
The twin towers had nothing to do with Iraq
but it's all he's got, so give him so slack!

There's no way he'll visit New Orleans for fear
he'd have to acknowledge the damage from there
The city is flooded, in need of repair
but he doesn't mind, becaues he doesn't care.

They voted already, so why should he go?
This isn't November, there's no need for show!
He's guilty of drafting the Guard, he knows
But who's going to stop him? The country? No, no.

+++

To donate, these are good places to start.

+++

NO CHILD LEFT BEHIND

2005-08-29T12:23:00.000-04:00

+++

This is what he means
by No Child Left Behind
We'll put them all to work!
To march in double-time.

Choke them out of schooling
By cutting fed'ral funding
Then send them all to war!
(The kind that's never-ending)

(chorus) That's No Child Left Behind,
from the quarry to the field!
They'll lead a life of Labor,
To increase the corporate yield!

Suffocate their teachers
with half a miser's pay,
So when they fail their subjects,
they'll be set for min'mum wage!

Be sure they learn their Science
by Intelligent Design,
so when they work for pittance,
we'll have trained'm not to mind!

(chorus) That's No Child Left Behind,
from the quarry to the field!
They'll lead a life of Labor,
To increase the corporate yield!

Call it a 'higher power'
when they're working for The Man,
And tell them things are better,
as they till and mow his land!

When they're sick and tired
we'll make'm pay their share!
So when they can't afford it
There'll be no one to care!

(chorus) That's No Child Left Behind,
from the quarry to the field!
They'll lead a life of Labor,
To increase the corporate yield!

+++

Image from here.

+++

THE WIZARD OF CRAWFORD TELEPORTS TO IDAHO

2005-08-26T04:01:00.000-04:00

(In the continuing saga of the Wizard of Crawford)

Things were getting bad at the wizard's ranch in crawford,
What with the pesky protestors, and that darn Texan heat--
It was enough to make a man take a vacation!
But these were dangerous times -- full of dissent and insurrection.
Fortunately, the wizard was not deterred
By the concept of taking a vacation during a vacation--
After all, it wasn't easy taking leave during a war on --
But it was important for him to go on with his life.

"I'll bicycle in Idaho", the wizard decided one day,
"they'll never catch me here!" And so he went,
Packing his toys and his barrels of oil, and his boat along with him.
He even found time to smirk for the talking minstrels.
There were some in the public (64 percent) who wondered
If a wizard's place was in the woods, while the war was being waged.
The price of devil's gold was rising, rising with the toll of death--
But it was important for him to go on with his life.

"If we stop now," the wizard declared,
"then those who have died will have died in vain!"
What the wizard meant, of course,
Was that the dead needed company in Valhalla,
And the corpses longed for companionship beneath the Earth.
The wizard deemed it his duty to provide for the coffin industry
And he continued to turn the machine to bring death to the people--
But it was important for him to go on with his life.

Meanwhile, the women of Middle Earth cried out to the world,
For they knew the price of freedom would inevitably result
In each girl amounting to half a boy, to each woman half of a man,
And they knew that this was not the way it was meant to be.
They knew better than to ask the wizard for help,
As if not for him, their brothers and sisters and fathers and daughters
Would still be alive - instead of having to get on with their deaths.
But it was important for him to go on with his life.

And so the wizard went on with his life,
While those trampled under the weight of his boots tried to
Make comfortable bedding for their graves.
The children cried for their mothers, and the
young men wept for their fathers,
and God and Budda and Allah wept for humanity's passing
For death was not easy, when one had spent the last moments of life
Bathing in the blood of fellow human beings.

+++

A THROWBACK TO TIMES LONG GONE

2005-08-25T01:46:00.000-04:00

+++

As I looked at this picture, I tried to find two characters from the modern age who would most accurately reflect the two people in the picture above. Upon visiting the White House website, I found no shortage of villains, each more than capable of representing the fellow on the left. However, it was surprisingly more difficult to find a single individual capable of portraying the chap on the right. I was eventually forced to think like my fellow right-wing brethren. The following is a scene, depicted through the teachings of Pat Robertson, through which a modern-day Jesus might have spread his message to the people, in the form of Biblical verse:

Matthew 26: 20-26 -- The Unabridged Version

²⁰When evening came, Jesus was reclining at the table with the Twelve. ²¹ And while they were eating, he said, "I tell you the truth, one of you will betray me."²² They were very sad and began to say to him one after the other, "Surely not I, Lord?"²³ Jesus replied, "The one who has dipped his hand into the bowl with me will betray me. ²⁴ The Son of Man will go just as it is written about him. But woe to that man who betrays the Son of Man! It would be better for him if he had not been born."²⁵ Then Judas, the one who would betray him, said, "Surely not I, Rabbi?"

Jesus answered, "Yes, it is you."

^25.1 To which Robertson of Judea replied, "Lord - here is the dagger of which you requested. I pray I was not late in its delivery."^25.2 The Son of Man was pleased with Robertson of Judea, and he proceeded to anoint him with diamonds. He turned to Judas. "Stand before me, he who would plot against the Son of God."
^25.3It was then that the 11 (now 12) parted, to make room for Judas, who fell to his knees, and cried "Rabbi!"
^25.4 But the Savior knew mercy had its limits. With slight of hand and quickness of draw, Jesus pulled the dagger from the sheath of Robertson, and plunged it into the heart of history's first terrorist.
^25.5 Such was the swiftness of the Lord, that Iscariot did not have time to ask for forgiveness. The disciples saw this, and they were pleased. It was then the will of the Rabbi that they return to their meal.

²⁶ While they were eating, Jesus took bread, gave thanks and broke it, and gave it to his disciples, saying, "Take and eat; this is my body."

This moment in forgotten history was brought to you by the Church of Patrick Robertson.

+++

"As you know, you go to war with the Army you have. They're not the Army you might want or wish to have at a later time."

-Donald Rumsfeld, December 8, 2004.

"As I've learned, you go to Hell with the soul you have. It's not the soul you might want or wish to have at a later time."

-Judas Iscariot, December 8, ~33AD.

What if?

+++

Image from here.

+++

MIND CONTROL IN COUPLETS

2005-08-24T01:40:00.000-04:00

+++

It's almost six, so don't be late!
You'll miss the nightly news!
The daily dose of fear and hate,
An ignorance we choose!

Come hear about the terror threats,
The ones so far and near!
We musn't hurry, mustn't fret--
Just come pretend to care!

The hurricanes, the murderers,
The pervert of the week!
The radicals, the harbringers--
The circle-jerk deceit!

I know it doesn't mean a thing,
But who could turn away?
Let's clap our hands and laugh and sing,
The self-propelled Parade!

Who needs to hear about the war?
There ain't no stinkin' draft!
Just give me more, and more, and more--
of gossip, whores and trash!

The ads will tell me what to buy,
The needs I never knew,
I'll work and spend and fuck and die,
The world is ours to loose!

Let God forgive the gaping hole,
Of all the things we miss,
Just give me my remote control,
I need that zombie fix.

+++

Image from here.

+++

BALLOON GIRL TRAVELS TO THE DEVIL'S WALL

2005-08-23T00:46:00.000-04:00

+++

Won't ya sit down with me?
It'll only take a minute
We'll watch the wall go up,
Make believe it's not a prison...

Sure, it's eight long meters tall,
And it's burning down our land,
But I'm sure it's for a reason--
Even though the reason's mad...

The Western Bank will surely go;
They're building where they choose
But we don't have the cameras,
Nevermind the evening news...

Still, don't you worry, not at all,
Ignore the concrete weed,
But the day the world runs out of oil--
That wall, will fall, and bleed.

Sincerely,
Balloon Girl

+++

Image from Banksy.

+++

MAKE EYE CONTACT WITH NO ONE

2005-08-22T01:39:00.000-04:00

+++

My sister and I went for a walk the other day,
Somewhere in Baghdad, past the Al-Rashid Hotel.
We talked, but we didn't talk much.
There was already too much to say, and
There would never be enough to time to say it.

War is hell, man. She laughed, and I laughed.
Not the kind of laugh you're thinking of, with the
"Ha ha's" and the way you clutch your sides.
Nah, it was a different kind of laugh. Like when
You take a punch to the stomach, and walk it off.

I heard someone talking about the Shiites, and
We stopped to listen. That new Constitution's
Gonna set us back about thirty years, if we're lucky.
A year ago, I would have ribbed her in the shoulder,
Telling her Americans were coming to take away her rights.

It's the Taliban, man. Those damn Talibangelists.
She knows the word well. She asked me when
Our women could expect a Western version
Of Sharia. I told her we were doing our best. She smiled.
Time to cross Yafa Street. Make eye contact with no-one.

I don't know what's coming next. She thinks she does,
But it's not safe to talk here. The bombers are attracted
To people standing in groups. We move on.
I tell her to write, as we part ways. It's been too long.
She laughs, as I return to my world, and she returns to hers.

This has to end.

+++

Image from here.

+++

WAR IS NOT A NOBLE CAUSE

2005-08-21T19:10:00.000-04:00

Click for full size.
Borrowed from here.

+++

THE CONCEPT OF HISTORY IS OVERRATED

2005-08-21T13:35:00.000-04:00

Click on the image for its full-sized renditon.

Previous issue of Chairman Bush here.

+++

BIZARRO SUPERMAN LEAVES METROPOLIS FOR 1600 PENNYSLVANIA AVENUE

2005-08-20T00:30:00.000-04:00

So there's this legend, you know?
about a guy. Except he wasn't just any guy --
this guy was super. Sorta like Superman.
The only thing about it was,
he stood for everything a real hero
would never stand for.
I tell you,
it was weird, man.

I mean, he looked just like Superman.
He had the cape, he had the tights --
he even had that jet-black hair. It was like...
except he didn't act like Superman.
Superman cared. This guy...he didn't.
He just didn't care about doing anything good.
I'd never seen a man work so hard for all the wrong things.
it was weird, man.

You know what he did?
first thing he did was to hijack the Supreme Court.
Weird, I know -- I always thought Superman wasn't
into politics. But this guy was. He...
well, he was kind of a pervert. Either that,
or some kinda misogynist. Who knows?
Always worked up about womens' bodies and stuff.
it was weird, man.

Like, he became the tenth justice, and
somehow he became the Chief Justice...
and then he got rid of Roe v. Wade,
and convinced 48 states to join him --
most of Congress, too. Word says he...
wanted to repeal the 19th Amendment.
I ddin't think Superman was into politics.
but this wasn't Superman.

It wasn't just that he was bad -- he was
just bizarre. I mean, he started a Fortune 500,
and became a CEO, and made massive profits,
but he didn't give anything back.
He called himself a Reagan Republican.
And when everyone started going hungry,
because they couldn't afford to buy anything,
he just didn't care.

The day he started using his heat vision to
start forest fires was bad enough,
but the day he started using his X-ray vision
to give his enemies cancer...I just couldn't understand it.
I don't think he stood for truth. That whole bit
about Justice, and helping people, and
"The American Way"?
he didn't believe in that.

I don't want to talk about his tax policies,
or when he repealed the Bill of Rights,
or any of that stuff. Nothing's been the same
since he came to Washington.
Everyone's been looking for Superman --
we've been calling, and people've been
throwing themselves off buildings,
trying to lure him out -- but he's gone.

Who knows where? The other day,
we tried dog whistles, and we tried kryptonite
but it didn't seem to make any difference.
Ever since Lois died,
no one's seen the man of steel.
If you see him, tell him we miss him.
Tell him we need him to come back.
Because this Bizarro Superman...he's...

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ON THE MISFORTUNE OF CINDY SHEEHAN

2005-08-19T00:10:00.000-04:00

Click on the image for the full-sized version.
Previous issue of Puritan O'Reilly is here.

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HE WILL GET ON WITH HIS LIFE

2005-08-18T16:33:00.000-04:00

while victims of his tyranny
will surely get on with their deaths.
perhaps when he declared, in true form,
in front of microphones and telescreens, "bring 'em on!",
he was referring to the widows and widowers and orphans
his unwilling armies would surely create. the wizard
is a crafty one indeed.

"There are some who, uh, feel like that, you know, the conditions are such that they can attack us there. My answer is: Bring 'em on. We got the force necessary to deal with the security situation."

- George W. Bush, July 2, 2003.

"There are some who, uh, feel that, you know, the conditions are such that they can subjugate us here. My answer is: Bring 'em on. We got the force necessary to deal with the imperialist situation."

- Abu Musab Al-Zarqawi, July 3, 2003.

What if?

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COMMANDO EXECUTIONS 'R US!

2005-08-17T13:23:00.000-04:00

Hmm.

He wasn't wearing a trenchcoat.

He didn't jump any turnstiles.

He wasn't carrying a toolbox.

He wasn't carrying a backpack.

Rather,

he walked into the subway, picked up a newspaper, passed the turnstile the normal way, walked down the escalator, caught the train, and started to read a newspaper.

Then he was grabbed (while still sitting in his seat) by a police officer, while another proceeded to shoot him seven times in the head.

1...2...3...4...5...6...7.

The police told us the cameras weren't working.

We now know the cameras saw everything.

This must be the freedom we're trying to bring to the Iraqi people.

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THE CAST-IRON REVOLUTION

2005-08-17T10:17:00.000-04:00

See that picture? The one above? Isn't it pretty? With the sunlight streaming through cast-iron, the stenciled out letters, the filled in Q's and R's and A's? Look at the craftmanship. Look at the panorama, clouds and trees and a quarter horizon. How much time did it take to carve this?

What's that you say?
No, I'm not sure what the 1848 stands for.
Wha?
Dead soldiers?

You know what...you might be right.
Except you'd be off, just a little. See, the picture was taken a few days ago, so it's a bit out of date. As of today, we're standing brilliantly at 1858. By tomorrow, this wonderful sculpture will be even more out of date.

I think whoever bought it deserves a refund. I mean,
what good is a work of art
if it can't stand the test of time?

I'm not sure where the corner is, but the insurgents tell me we're turning it beautifully.

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WHOSE CROSS WOULD JESUS TRAMPLE?

2005-08-16T14:44:00.000-04:00

(In the continuing saga of The Defenders of the Wizard of Crawford)

Things were getting bad at the ranch in crawford,
as our noble band of heroes assembled
the wizard, his brain atrophied from years of having others think for him,
sat in dazed confusion,
without even a copy of 'my pet goat' for company.

"They want a revolution," he thought to himself,
"they want more. why do they want more?"
it was then, as the wizard sat in silence,
determined to stay the course - to stay away from the domestic insurgency,
that a new hero emerged in our tale.

"I'll be the one to defend you," he cried
for there was a firm believer in the wizard's dark magic
equipped with a pick-up truck, filled to the brim with oil, thick with death, he--
he bravely drove his two-tonned vehicle down that lonely crawford road,
and trampled every cross in sight -- under blessed cover of night!

It was rumored that Jesus saw the crosses crushed,
and remembered his teachings, which this firm believer claimed to revere,
and the tears that fell from his eyes led them to the believer.
there is no need to mention his name,
after all, the wizard taught us to perform our deeds of freedom in secret!

But the little flags, all starred and striped and scarred with tire tracks, could not understand
why they had been run over. Did they not also stand for freedom?
The world watched in hushed anticipation.
Would the cross-hating flag trampler strike again?
Would others rise up in his steed?

Troops in Iraq looked at one other, nervous and starry-eyed in wonder
would their crosses be ground into dust upon their return?
would their flags be sullied, defaced into the Earth by defenders of freedom?
was this the will of the faith-based majority?
Only time would tell.

More pictures from the act of terror here.

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The WIZARD OF CRAWFORD STAYS THE COURSE

2005-08-15T14:43:00.000-04:00

And so as our heroes, growing in number,
surrounded the ranch of the wizard of crawford,
aides were sent within, in search of a summit
in search of an answer to questions unanswered, they asked--

how do you get rid of the blood? the crimson
sheets that line your bed, full of
protein and hemoglobin and the limbs
of dead Iraqis. what does the wizard use for bleach?

the pseudotexan wizard was afraid to reply
because his rovian ball
could no longer see the future, blinded by
his own ineptitude. the tormentors became the tormented.

"it is also important for me to go on with my life,"
the wizard replied. he rode his bicycle, wishing
it had wings. he wished to fly away
to a world where his incompetence was still revered.

"let them eat cake!" he was rumored to have said
hoping to follow the steed of one antoinette,
but he knew his days were numbered, as his
cabinet of dunces
began to flee the castle
packing bags and hats and tassles
"adieu! adieu!" they cried
the people no longer believe our lies!
the end is near, and the magic is gone!

you can keep your bloody cowboy hat.

Previous entry from The Wizard of Crawford here.
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THE BIRTH OF PURITAN O'REILLY

2005-08-14T14:43:00.000-04:00

Along with Chairman Bush, I'm going to try out Puritan O'Reilly every now and then. Click on each image for its full-sized rendition. Unless otherwise noted, each will contain actual quotations from our fearless leaders. We need such bastions of wisdom in these trying times.

Thanks to Mark for inspiring Puritan O'Reilly.

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THE WISDOM OF CHAIRMAN BUSH

2005-08-14T14:41:00.000-04:00

Thanks to The Kenosha Kid for the brilliant photo of Chairman Bush.

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FINISHING THE JOB

2005-08-14T14:40:00.000-04:00

There's a job I've got to finish
you see, we're never going to win if
folks keep questionin' my motives.

I've got wars to fight and wars to win
And I'm gonna wage 'em with all your kin
That's what you get for votin' me in!

If we stay the course 'till there's no course to stay
And insurgents get tired of bombing us away
Then we're bound to win the war someday.

(now let me get back to clearing some shrub)

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SO MANY TO DECIEVE

2005-08-13T14:39:00.000-04:00

We have so many people to decieve
but so little time
won't you help us?
Those democrats, with their
protests, their
dissent and opposition
Won't you help us shut them up?

But the passage of time
is an evil for either side...

The good people cried,
"The Americans are blind!"
So much deception
it's hard to keep track
people are dying
our government keeps lying
Won't you help us keep track?

And the sane half of the country
tried to make a list of the corruption...

But alas! It was so much
Betraying Valerie who?
Karl wha?
Downing Street Where?
Osama been Forgotten?
Afghaniwhere?
Weapons of Mass Diversions?
such were the deceptive practices
of the deceptive ones.

But would we all
be graced with
five week vacations
in times of war

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I'LL PROTECT YOU, MISTER PRESIDENT

2005-08-13T14:38:00.000-04:00

I heard those dirty freedom-hating liberals
heard them come to camp outside your ranch
heard them bothering a man
on a working vacation
I heard they came from France!

(chorus) Well I'll protect you, Mister President
I'll be the one, to take a stand!
Against the mothers, against the fathers,
Who lost their sons on foreign sands!
I'll protect you from the awfulness of Truth

Well I heard those dirty liberals
heard them talking about a plan
about getting out of I-raq,
about un-invading a foreign land!

(chorus) Well I'll protect you, Mister President
I'll be the one, to take a stand!
Against the mothers, against the fathers,
Who lost their sons on foreign sands!
I'll protect you from the awfulness of Truth

(outro) 1,2, 1,2, Freedom's on the move!
1,2, 1,2, War with whom we choose!
1,2, 1,2, Freedom's on the move!
1,2, 1,2, War with whom we choose!

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FOLLOW THE YELLOW BRICK ROAD

2005-08-13T14:37:00.000-04:00

And so, our trio of heroes
united by the most terrible of bonds
set out to see the wizard of crawford
"a word with your highness," was their cry

they set out on the yellow dirt roads
with fire ants for company
and right wing rhetoric for discouragement--
or encouragement

(chorus) "let me clear my brush"
ignoring them in crawford
so he won't have to ignore them in washington
the joys of a working vacation

but they did not see the wizard
the one casting the spells
that sent their children to die
when the magic ran out

was there ever any magic?
the birds took a picture
of the wicked, wicked wizard
he seemed confused

(chorus) "let me clear my brush"
ignoring them in crawford
so he won't have to ignore them in washington
the joys of a working vacation

but he knew not what to do
trapped in a prison of his own design
except without the humiliation
and degredation of torture

with his blue sky above
and his brown earth below
didn't belong to one
knew he wouldn't make it into the other

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Trying things twice

2005-08-13T14:31:00.000-04:00

Well, I tried the blog thing for about a year. It wasn't bad, but it wasn't worth keeping.

I'll try again. Welcome to Mirefresco. Let's see how long it lasts.

Now, I'm off to adjust the template. 3..2..1...go!

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